This is a nice and thoughtful conversation I had with a cool friend (Magdalena). This may or may not help you expand your thinking about the reasons why people get married. You may also find out about why I decided to get engaged.
I have a question, if you don’t mind me askin’. I’m of a curious nature and inquisitive one too. Why do you want to get married?
I don’t blame you for your curiosity cus I’m the same way. honestly, I asked my self that question right after I proposed. I was questioning myself because all I would hear from friends is ‘you sure you wanna do this’ or ‘don’t do it’… but then I think about my past, present and future. My past is that I’ve been with this girl for 6 years and she has not failed me once – that i know of. We’ve gone through lots of sad moments but even more happy moments. I think about my present and I’m still happy with her. She still makes me happy [and I love her]… I think about my future and I know that I want to be successful personally, emotionally, and financially. We share the same goals, so why not going for it together.
do you have something you wanna share with me?
I ask because I am curious to hear the different reasons why someone might think it’s “time” for them, or “the right moment”. My brother married his ex for insurance reasons and because they had been together for 10 years, so they thought, “why not?” ….I ask others…and they have stories all across the board. A close friend of mine proposed by accident. Can you believe that? Insane. Another older gentleman said, “because she puts up with my shit”, now that’s romantic. But then there are other stories that I hear, that touch your heart, and give you hope that people really do respect the commitment and the vows they make to each other….I ask some couples who have been married for many many years how they feel about each other, and it’s so sweet to see how in love they still are with each other after so many years. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to it. I think it’s beautiful, if you do it for the right reasons.
Me, personally… I never want to get married. If someone wants to be with me..then they will be with me, and that’s all that matters. =)
Relationships are sometimes so damn hard. It is funny how people last many years of dating, but when they get married, they don’t last a year. Or how some other people are in a very long term relationship and one day one of them realizes that there are no more feelings. I do believe that after a certain point, relationships have to move into the next level (engagement, or move in together to start a family) or love magically vanishes… Nowadays, it is hard to believe a couple will have a life lasting marriage. It has become so easy for people to get divorced that people rather divorce than work on the problems. But some of us still have that hope that our marriage will be for a lifetime.
Yes, some guys get married for the wrong reasons and that is why many of them are destined to failure.
Perhaps now you think that you don’t want to get married but when the right guy comes and he wants to get married, you will definitely change your thinking. Marriage is also good if you want to have legal rights over property or to make legal decisions… marriage also helps when you file for taxes:)
You’re right. Those different levels are like a stairwell. Each step takes you higher and higher…and then what? I think it keeps going…only if the two individuals are willing to put in the work and constantly feed the relationship with new ideas at the same time re-visiting that thing that bonded you together, reminding you why you love that one person. Trouble comes when one person decides to get lazy….and leave the other person with all the burden of keeping it alive….
You hit the nail on the head with the “benefits” of marriage. The long lasting benefits should never be tangible. They should be felt. Society has cornered us into this marriage contract in order to keep the benefits of a financial tax break or rights to property. Why? Because if that was your life long love, and you had no heir and marriage was the determining factor of who was the beneficiary….who would benefit from your property if you weren’t married? Who could possibly stick their hand in the cookie jar? THE FUCKING GOVRERNMENT! So yeah let’s make that a rule…. if the asshole isn’t married we can take his estate….I guess I don’t want anyone sticking their hand in my cookie jar….not the government and not a man with gold digging finger.
If he wants to be with me…he will be with me no matter what.